For Love of a Child
by denise1
Summary: People will do about anything for the love of a child


For the Love of a Child

By

Denise

"Are you sure you can't come?" Doctor Fraiser asked, frowning a bit.

"I'm sure," Sam replied, pasting a smile on her face. "I've got a ton of stuff that's piled up the last few days that I need to work on."

"Sam?" Cassandra asked, her expression uncertain.

Sam knelt down to look her in the eyes. "You know Doctor Fraiser. You and her can have some fun. It's ok," she tried to reassure the girl.

"But, Sam, I want you to come with us," Cassandra said.

"Maybe I'll catch up with you guys later," Sam said, knowing that she was lying. Cassandra stared at her for a few seconds, then nodded, allowing Sam to gently push her towards the doctor.

"Captain, are you sure?"

"Positive," Sam insisted to the doctor. "You have a good time."

The doctor turned, leading Cassandra across the parking lot. Sam and the rest of SG-1 had returned to the mountain from their trip to the park to find that, in their absence, the decision about Cassandra's future had been made.

Doctor Fraiser was going to adopt the girl, in fact, she was going to take her home today, having been granted two weeks leave to get things situated. Everyone involved had agreed that the sooner the girl got into a stable life situation, the better it'd be for her. This was why the doctor's plans consisted of taking Cassandra home now rather than waiting for a while.

Sam had seen the look on Cassandra's face when she'd been told, felt the girl's hand tighten over hers. She was afraid. Sam couldn't quite blame her. She'd been through so much in the last couple of weeks, losing her family, her home, her planet and nearly her life. This was her one big chance to get it all back, and Sam couldn't stand in the way of that.

So, she'd excused herself from the shopping trip. Doctor Fraiser was her mother now, and the sooner Cassandra got used to it, the better off she'd be.

Suddenly desperate for something to do, she turned, making her way back into the mountain. She walked down the barren corridors, her body navigating more than her mind. She ignored the occasional odd look from the personnel she passed.  It was like they knew, knew that she'd been judged unworthy.

She'd wanted to keep Cassandra that was something the rest of her team didn't know. As soon as they knew Cassandra was going to survive, she'd gone to the general, expressing her desire to adopt the girl. The general had refused her request, stating that she was too important to the program. The doctor had a house with a yard and everything, part of the divorce settlement from her ex-husband. He also quoted the woman's steady hours and the fact that the infirmary was a lot safer duty station as another excuse.

It was what he hadn't said that hurt the most. That she wasn't good enough to raise a child. That he obviously felt that Cassandra would be happier with someone else, be happier somewhere else nicer than Sam's small apartment.

She found herself outside Cassandra's room and opened the door, automatically reaching out to turn on the light. It looked just like she'd left it this morning. The bed was neatly made, the walls still decorated with Cassandra's artwork, the table cluttered with her paints and the few toys she had.

That was something she could do. She could pack up the girl's belongings and deliver them to the doctor's house. That way she'd never have to come back here. Never have to return to the place that had to hold so many bad memories.

She left the room, returning a few minutes later with a large box. She set the box on the table, mindlessly pushing in one of the chairs. She quickly cleared off the table, taking a moment to empty the cup of paint water in the bathroom before throwing the cup away.

It seemed sorta silly to gather all this up. Sam was sure Doctor Fraiser would be able to get Cassandra better stuff than the improvised things she'd picked up for her in the PX anyway.

The table clear, she moved to the walls and the paintings hanging there. They were something else she'd probably be better off trashing. She'd never seen Doctor Fraiser's house, but she'd be willing to bet her walls weren't rough, cold concrete and that they already had better things than silly panda posters hanging on them.

Besides, why would Cassandra want to keep these paintings anyway? Ones that graphically depicted the death of her planet. She'd be better off forgetting about the past, not reliving it each time she looked at the walls.

Sam reached out and slowly traced the red stick figure she'd painted on it. 'You're not alone,' she'd said, promising to stay with her. A promise she'd quickly broken. No wonder General Hammond had decided that Doctor Fraiser would be a better parent. The doctor had been able to help her while Sam had just stood there like an idiot.

She set the drawings down, not quite able to throw them out. Maybe she'd ask Doctor Fraiser about it. She sat down on the bed, pulling the worn quilt onto her lap. This was one thing she wouldn't throw away. She'd just take it back home and return it to its place in the closet. She shouldn't have brought it here, shouldn't have brought any of the stuff. She shouldn't have gotten attached to her at all. Detachment, that's what they taught her in the academy. She should have stayed detached…then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

Her fingers picked at a loose stitch. She remembered the last time she'd sat like this, Cassandra's head in her lap, the warmth of the child's body seeping into her soul. It'd felt so right to hold her that way, the rhythmic stroking of Cassandra's hair as comforting to Sam as it was to her. She'd never feel it again. Never feel the warmth and comfort of another human being. Never have someone look to her with trust in her eyes, depending on her to take care of them.

It was probably for the best anyway. Look at the fantastic job she'd done so far. She hadn't been able to help her when she was sick, nearly gotten her killed by taking her back through the gate. She'd even left her to die alone. What kind of a parent did that? The general knew, he'd recognized what a rotten parent she'd have made. That's why he didn't let her keep Cassandra.

"Captain Carter?"

Teal'c's voice startled her. She got to her feet, hurriedly turning her back to the door as she tried to fold up the quilt. "Teal'c. What's wrong?" she asked, hoping that her voice sounded normal.

"Nothing is…wrong," he said, stepping into the room.

"If you're looking for Cassandra, she's out with Doctor Fraiser," Sam said, shoving the quilt into the box.

"Of that I am aware." He stopped a few feet away, standing at the foot of the bed. "Do you require assistance?" he asked after a few minutes.

"What? No, I'm just…this place is a mess and I made it so I ought to clean it up and… shouldn't you be kel-no-reeming or something?" she asked, pushing the quilt down in the box to make room for more.

"I have already completed my meditations for the day," he said, stepping forward. He reached out, stilling her nervous movements.

"Teal'c…"

"On Chulak, it is not uncommon for children to not survive their first year of life. Ry'ac is not our only child. The first pregnancy did not come to term and soon after Ry'ac's first steps, Drey'ac give birth to a daughter. She did not survive her first moonrise."

"Teal'c, I'm sorry, I…"

"It can be difficult to lose a child, even one that has only been a part of your life for a short time."

She pulled away, turning to open the doors to the wardrobe. "It's not the same, Teal'c," she said, pulling a stack of clothes out of the wardrobe.

"It is not much different. The pain of the loss is still as great." She ignored him, continuing to pile clothes on top of the box. "Is this why you did not accompany Doctor Fraiser and Cassandra on their quest for personal belongings?"

"It's better this way. She's got to get used to Doctor Fraiser and she won't do that if I'm there so…"

"I do not believe removing yourself from Cassandra's life would be beneficial for the child," he said.

"Well, I do," she answered, picking up the box and pushing past him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Janet Fraiser poured herself a glass of wine and listlessly snagged a take out menu from beside the phone. What would Cassandra like to eat? And more importantly, what could she eat? The child was insatiably curious about Earth life, and Earth food. Unfortunately, her stomach wasn't as curious as her mind was.

Their trip to the mall had been a total failure. They'd only made it through a couple of stores before they'd wandered by the food court and Janet had decided to introduce Cassandra to the wonders of funnel cakes not realizing that Cassandra's digestive system wasn't able to deal with the twin assaults of grease and sugar.

Within half an hour, they'd made the first of several desperate trips to the bathroom and then home, the fear of being sick augmented by Cassandra's terror that she was going to die again. A terror Janet had barely been able to assuage.

God, she'd made a mistake. How on Earth could she have thought that she'd be able to raise a child when she couldn't even take her shopping without traumatizing her.  Maybe instead of calling for dinner, she should be calling the general and seeing if he knew of someone better suited to taking care of Cassandra.

A flash of movement caught her eyes and she made her way to the window, frowning at the sight of Captain Carter walking onto her front porch. The woman set down a large box overflowing with some sort of clothing, then she turned, obviously meaning to just leave unannounced.

Janet hurried to the door, pulling it open. "Captain?" she called. Carter turned, caught by surprise. "What are you doing?"

"Oh…umm…I aah, Cassandra's stuff from the base, I thought maybe you'd like to go through it or something." She gestured towards the box. "I didn't mean to disturb you, I thought you were still shopping and…"

"We came home early, Cassandra didn't feel well," Janet said, crossing the porch so she wouldn't have to talk as loudly.

"Is she ok?" Carter asked, taking a step forward.

"She's fine. She just ate too much," Janet said. "Do you want to come in? She's sleeping right now but…"

"No," Carter interrupted. "That's ok. I aah…I should get back and…"

"Sam?" Janet turned to see Cassandra standing in the doorway. Her hair was tangled and Janet could see the tear streaks on her face. 

"Hey, kiddo," Carter said, walking forward.

"Is your work done?" Cassandra asked as Carter knelt in front of her.

"Sorta. I was just taking a break," Carter said. "I brought your stuff." She reached into the box and pulled out the stuffed elephant. "I thought maybe you'd like to have it here."

Cassandra's face fell and she frowned. She looked to Janet then back to Sam. "I can't have it there anymore?" she asked in a small voice.

Carter looked up to Janet. "Well, you're staying here now. You're going to live with Doctor Fraiser." Cassandra only nodded, her arms tightening around her stuffed animal. The disappointment on the girl's face was almost heartbreaking. "Hey," Sam said, deliberately making her voice light and happy. "Why don't you show me your room?" She took Cassandra's hand and got to her feet, looking to Janet who nodded her assent.

The pair walked past her and Janet stood there, hearing them talk softly as they made their way into the house. Well, that settled that, she thought, draining her glass of wine. Cassandra didn't want to be here any more than the captain seemed to want her here.

She shoved the empty glass into the stuffed box and picked it up.  Her neighborhood was safe but it really wouldn't be good if Cassandra's only possessions in the world were stolen. She carried the box into the house, hearing the murmur of voices upstairs.

She set the box down, glancing at her watch. It was getting late. She should talk to Carter, see if the woman wanted to take Cassandra with her tonight or if she wanted to wait until the morning. She climbed the stairs, pausing as their words grew clearer.

"But I want to stay with you," Cassandra said, a slight note of whining in her voice.

"Cassandra, we've been over this. It wouldn't work. You know that I go away for days at a time. It wouldn't be fair to you to have to stay on the base," the captain said, parroting almost the exact words the general had told Janet a few hours earlier.

"But I like it there."

"And you'll like it HERE, if you just give it a chance."

"But, Sam…"

"Cassandra," Carter interrupted the girl. "Do you remember your father and mother?"

"Yes."

"You know, Doctor Fraiser used to be married."

"There's no one here now."

"That's right. Her husband left her all alone. She's sorta like you, alone."

"She is?"

"Yep."

"So are you."

"No," Carter disagreed. "I have my team…Doctor Fraiser doesn't have anyone." The room was quiet for a few minutes. "Do you think you could stay here for a while, keep Doctor Fraiser company?" Carter suggested.

"I guess," Cassandra said after a few minutes.

"She really does like you, you know," Carter said.

Janet quietly crept back down the stairs, still processing what she'd just heard. She knew Carter had wanted to keep Cassandra, even if the general hadn't told her that, she would have had to have been blind not to see how the girl had bonded with the captain. And she knew that the woman resented not gaining custody of Cassandra, no one had to tell her that either, she could read the body language a mile away, the hurt look on the woman's face, the cool tone of her voice.

She retrieved her glass and poured herself some more wine, then sat down on the couch. Fifteen minutes later she heard the stairs creak and she looked up, watching the captain make her way down the stairs, obviously trying to keep quiet. "She's asleep," she said softly. She looked down at the box, then back up at the doctor. "A lot of that's probably trash so…I just didn't want to throw away something important to her." She bent down, picking up the quilt. "If she doesn't want this, I'd like to have it back." She set down the quilt and stood awkwardly in the hall. "I am sorry about tonight. I really did think that you were still gone. I didn't mean to make things worse."

"Captain?" Janet said, getting to her feet and halting the woman's retreat out the door. "Join me?" she invited, holding up her glass of wine.

Carter shook her head. "Thank you but…I should get back to work and…"

"Please?" Janet said. "You know what they say about drinking alone."

She looked towards the door then back at Janet, finally shrugging. "Sure," she agreed. Janet got the bottle and poured a second glass as the captain sat on the couch, clearly uneasy. "Thanks," she said, accepting the glass. She took a sip and looked out the window, her fingers fiddling with the stem to the glass.

"You're good with her," Janet said.

She shook her head. "Just any port in a storm," she dismissed.

"No," Janet disagreed. "She loves you."

"She was just afraid. Give her a couple of months and she'll forget all about me."

"No," Janet shook her head. "She's never going to forget about you." She took a gulp of her wine. "You know, I've never done this mother thing before. I could use some help."

"What do you mean?" Carter asked.

"I mean that I can't do it alone. I know you're busy and all with SG-1 but…I was wondering if you could help me out a little. Take her shopping or spend some time with her."

"Really?" she asked, the eagerness in her voice almost as heart wrenching as Cassandra's disappointment.

Janet nodded. "Really."

"Sure, that…that would be great."

"Ok then," Janet said, setting down her wine and getting to her feet. Carter followed suit. "We never got very far shopping today. If you're not busy tomorrow, Captain, maybe you'd like to join us? Meet here at 0900, we could get some breakfast and then hit the mall."

Carter smiled. "I would like that a lot. And it's Sam," she said.

"Then it's Janet," Janet replied, walking the woman to the door.

"Ok, Janet. I'll aah, I'll see you in the morning." She left and Janet locked the door behind her with a sigh. She bent down and picked up the battered quilt, starting up the stairs, the hopeless feeling of before fading. For the first time since the general had told her she cold keep Cassandra, she felt a glimmer of hope. 

Maybe she didn't know much about raising a child, but with Sam's help, they'd figure it out. After all, the two of them had defeated a God, how much more difficult could a teenage girl be?

Fin


End file.
